Nadim, 28, suffers from bipolar disorder. He feels thankful to have been diagnosed. He believes the diagnosis allowed him to get the right treatment and live as best as he can with his illness. Now his dream is to create an association which would make mental health services available to all, no matter their social and economic background.

Here is his story:

 

“ I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 10 years ago. I had been through a very dark period. During 3 weeks, I could not get out of bed, I cried for no reason, I felt a profound sadness. I didn’t want to live anymore. Thankfully, I had an awareness  of mental health issues, I knew what a mental illness was. So I understood that I was suffering from depression. After 3 weeks of pain, I went to a psychiatrist seeking help.

I explained to him that I had been feeling out of sorts for some time.

I had very strong mood swings: I went from periods of euphoria to periods of crying for no reason. At certain times, I literally could not do anything but take shelter in my bed. Small details could make me extremely sad and make me cry my heart out.

And at other times, I was euphoric, I wanted to do everything at the same time, I was too excited to sleep, I felt like I could conquer the world, I could go to 4 parties during the same night, even my friends could not follow my rhythm! These were moments when I was full of energy, moments which feel like happy moments, but in reality they can be very destructive. They are moments when I abuse of substances such as alcohol, when I want to have random sexual relations, when I spend money unreasonably.

 

Shoes are my weakness. I believe that a man should always have nice shoes. We don’t have handbags, or accessories, the first thing you look at when you look at a man are his shoes.

So my friends know that I am in a manic phase when they see me buying very very expensive shoes.

 

My psychiatrist told me that I suffer from bipolar disorder. He told me that these times of euphoria were periods of mania, and they alternate with periods of depression when I feel super down. At that time, I didn’t accept the diagnosis. I saw 3 different doctors before accepting the idea that I suffer from bipolar disorder. With my psychiatrist, we put up a plan that included therapy, medication, exercise and other self-care techniques.  

 

Today, I learned how to live with my mental illness, though it’s not always easy. More often than not, I don’t realize when I am in a manic period. A few months ago, I thought I was going through one because I felt super happy. I went to see the doctor and he told me: Nadim, you’re just happy.

And other times, my illness takes over, and I feel super frustrated  because I do everything in my power to deal with it and it’s still not enough. It can make me hopeless and make me feel like I don’t want to live anymore.

 

In a week time, it will be one year that I’ve been alcohol-free. I’m very proud of this. During my manic and depressive phases, I resorted to alcohol in order to to run away. So I decided to stop completely.

 

If there is one thing I want to say to people who surround me, it’s please, please, don’t insist. One glass of alcohol won’t have the same effect on you than on me , so please don’t say things such as “Come on, it’s been a long time, one drink won’t hurt you!  

Because one drink might hurt me. So please help me and don’t insist.”

 

 

Photo by Soraya Hamdan

What makes me happy today are the little things of life, like knowing what I suffer from and knowing I can help people; I actually feel it’s my duty to inform people about mental health.

 

There are so many people who suffer from mental health issues, whether it’s depression, anxiety, or other things, and they don’t know about it because they don’t get diagnosed. It’s a pity because without diagnosis, they can’t get better. And in most cases, there are ways for a person who suffers from a mental health trouble to feel better! It’s a bit like suffering from diabetes, there are solutions that exist that help us live a quasi-normal life.

 

One of my dreams is start a foundation where we would make mental health services accessible to all, and not just to an elite that has the means to pay for it. I want to make mental health services more inclusive, because it matters for the well-being of all of us.

 

And I want to raise awareness to end the stigma that comes with the rhetoric and the words people use to talk about mental health.  

Words can be destructive,

and a lot of the stigma surrounding mental health is translated into words we don’t realize are hurtful. We use the words “crazy”, “trouble”, “bipolar”, way too often and in the wrong way.

So please think before you speak and choose your words carefully. You don’t know who you may trigger around you.” 

 

According to Idraac, 1 out of 40 Lebanese people live with bipolar disorder.  At least 1 in 4 Lebanese will develop a mental disorder at some point in their lives.

Today is #WordMentalHealthDay. #mentalhealthmatters

 

If you feel the need to talk to someone, you can call Embrace’s hotline (1564) . #youarenotalone