Raja, 30, went through very dark times; he suffered from anxiety, depression, and OCD. He reached a point where he didn’t want to live anymore. Thankfully, he gathered the strength to ask for help. Today, he became the friend he wished he had when he was struggling through his disorders. He created a support group for all people facing mental health issues. Here is his story:

Photo by Yannel Bold

“During Spring 2006, I started getting feelings and thoughts that were not usual for me. I was more anxious than usual, I thought about the same thing in a repetitive and compulsive manner, I worried a lot about little details. For example, if someone did not answer me back quickly, I started agonizing over the situation, and wondering whether I did anything wrong, whether I hurt them,..and I repeated this scenario over and over in my head in a compulsive manner.

 

My thoughts started taking  control over my life.

 

They physically hurt, I could feel the pain in my chest. This pain evolved into a prolonged state of sadness which stopped me from living my life. I used to enjoy going out with friends, watching movies and working with wood. I lost interest in all of these. I couldn’t get rid of my thoughts. It got to a point where I needed to listen to music or watch videos on my computer to be able to fall asleep, as they distracted me from my thoughts.

I realized I had a problem during my Masters studies in Lausanne, Switzerland, in 2009. My computer broke down. I could not watch or listen to anything before going to sleep. Dark thoughts invaded my mind, I spent the worst night of my life and I went through a very depressive mood. This was my first breakdown.

Later, in 2012, back in Beirut I went through another breakdown. I reached a point where I didn’t want to live anymore.

 It’s not that I wanted to die, it’s just that I didn’t want to live.

I wanted my thoughts to stop. I wanted the pain to stop.

 

Photo by Yannel Bold

The pain was unbearable, it was too much. It pushed me to seek help. All in all, it took me six years to look for help. Six long years during which I had no clue about what I was suffering from. I thought what I was going through was normal, that it was just “stress”, as my friends and relatives used to say. But I used to cry all the time, and I had no idea why.

When I finally decided to see a therapist, things started to get better. She sent me to a psychiatrist, who finally gave me a diagnosis: I was suffering from anxiety, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and depression.

 

In 2014, I took the decision to put my health first. I didn’t renew my contract as an economist with the United Nations. I focused on my therapy, and discovered acroyoga, which helped me a lot. I even became a professional at it and made a job out of it.

Photo by Yannel Bold

Today I travel the world to help people who suffer from troubles similar to mine, I share my story, feelings and thoughts through my blog and I have created a private FB group to help people who need to talk. Anyone who wants to join can ask me to add them.  I want to be the friend I wish I had when I was struggling myself.”